I’ve survived the infamous War in Space. I battled the Virasians alongside by best friend and Gamera. I’ve seen and done things you can only imagine. But none of it prepared me for North Korea. I questioned the wisdom of the Board for sending us there to do Episode 94 on Pulgasari, and now I’m almost certain they must’ve cut a deal with the “Dear Leader” to make us “disappear.” They knew well that Nate would open his Venus-sized mouth and cause an “international incident.” Sarcasm is his native language, and it’s @#$%-ing illegal in that country! I smell a conspiracy of gay frogs proportions! But maybe I’m just “salty,” as the kids say, because that bullheaded punk, Pulgasari, ate part of my robot and technically ate my fiancée—before he petrified, exploded, and reverted to a baby. It’s been a weird week. Anyway, here are my notes on the episode.
- The Kims suck at Counterstrike. All they do is try to use rockets. They’ll intentionally avoid using any other weapons but those.
- I have a memo from Tomi to hound Nate to read Kaijumax. I keep telling him it’s fodder for the podcast, but does he listen to his producer? Negative, Ghost Rider!
- Russian dolls of oppression are nasty things! I went on a mission toward the tail end of the Cold War to take some out…oh, wait…that’s still classified. I can’t talk about it.
- I’ll talk to Elijah about acquiring the rights for a “Tickle Me Pulgasari.” After his success with Titanic Creations’ Yongary figure, that should be easy for him.
- I used to eat farming implements until Tomi Trembath told me to “stop it!” But hey, I had an iron deficiency.
- I wish I could dive into water when I’m hot and bothered. But then I’d hardly see Kaguya—you know, the reason I’m hot and bothered.
- You wanted a “Pulgasari freakout face” gif? Here’s your Pulgasari freakout gif. (Although, Nate insists there’s a better shot for it).
- James Bond movies aren’t real?! WHAT?! I’m rethinking my entire life! Next you’ll tell me, I’m not real!
- I worked for a different “agitation department.” All we did was pull pranks. We were “Punk’d” before Punk’d.
- I found an entire article detailing North Korean wedding customs. It’s both funny and depressing. For one thing, you can be arrested for going on a honeymoon (yikes!), but this line reads like something out of The Babylon Bee: “When someone gets married and has a baby in North Korea, people often say that another gun or bomb has been born. Some parents have even named their babies ‘gun’ or ‘bomb.’ That is the power of brainwashing.”
We here at MIFV are still busy, even after escaping North Korea. Depending on timing, our next episode will either be a Patreon pick from The Cel Cast for some kaiju action in Star Wars…and I have mixed feelings about it. Nate is calling it, “The Zillo Beast Saga,” and it will involve a discussion of two episodes of The Clone Wars and three episodes (sorta) of The Bad Batch. Then Nate and his friend Elijah Thomas from Kaiju Conversation have their annual Harryhausen crossover, “Monster Conversation,” with The Golden Voyage of Sinbad. Next month, we move to Thailand (which is already safer than North Korea) to discuss The Lake and recapture its wild monster.
Until next time, remember…we shall overcome!
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- Follow Raymund Martin (The Monster Island Legal Team) on Twitter: @MIFV_LegalTeam
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- Follow Dr. Dourif on Twitter: @DrDorif
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